Thursday, September 2, 2010
Just one more...
Just had to add one more quick post tonight. Just have to get something off my chest. I want to be a perfect mother. Anyone out there feel the same way? I just want to spend lots of time with my little girl, do creative projects with her, play games, go places, be fun, always keep my cool, never lose my patience, tenderly speak to her in loving tones all the time...but I goof up ALL THE TIME. And then I get so mad at myself. I've talked with Superman about this many a time and it seems to me that all my energy and patience is sucked up during the day when I'm at work. (I work with high school students.) I just feel like the kids that I work with all day long, other peoples' children, get the best of who I am every day and then Sweet Pea gets whatever little is left over. So sad. I asked my husband for help with this and we've talked about it, pondered on it, prayed about it. He gave me a blessing (like a husband's prayer for me especially) as I started this new school year and I'm trying. I really am. I lost my cool this afternoon a little bit and it was so sad to see the hurt in Sweet Pea's little face. Her sad little eyes. It took a whole lot of soft, loving, "I'm sorry" words to bring her back around. And it really wasn't until I drove through McD's and got her a happy meal and we had a picnic on the living room floor while watching Blue's Clues that she finally snapped back to her old self. I have to be soooo careful. She remembers EVERYTHING. FOREVER. I'm sure all little ones do. They love us so much and rely on us to be strong, safe, warm, and caring. Of course she's going to be heartbroken when I get upset. I hope she has beautiful dreams tonight so she wakes up tomorrow only remembering our picnic, and her bedtime story, and my kisses...
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I understand. Even for a stay-at-home Mom these events happen.
ReplyDeleteIt happens so much more than any of us care to admit, to ALL of us. You are not alone. At least you are super willing and able to let things go and show your remorse and try to make things right right away. Lots of people can't do that.
ReplyDeleteI have the opposite problem. I feel like a failure because I have never gotten a full-time teaching position!! I see all these teachers pregnant, and having families and a career and I ask myself, "Why can't I do it all??" I mean I really don't want a full-time position. I know I couldn't do that and be the mother I want to be. I just wonder why I don't measure up.
ReplyDeleteAnd we all have our moments in parenting we regret. I had two this week. I was tired, the kids were tired, patience ran thin, I wonder how my children ever forgive me. All we can do is say we're sorry and try again. I wrote a poem once -
To make mistakes is human.
Not to ere would be divine.
But I know that all I can ask of myself.
Is what have I learned this time.LJ
Our relationships are our learning experiences.And boy do they challenge us to grow!
The great part is that they do forgive us...somehow, they seem to remember the good parts of their mommy:). I'm sure it won't always be that way, but at least when they are toddlers, we can make our share of mistakes...
ReplyDeleteEncouraging words...thank you all. Lori, more and more I feel like if you have the desire for a family and you don't have to work outside the home, being a mom is the best work you could possibly be doing. As I said before, I LOVE my job, but my greatest joys come from parenting my daughter. I just need lots more practice. Thanks for sharing the poem. True, true, true...
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